Irish Yacht Club Invades France! (A Good & Welfare Item)

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#1 March 31, 2009 - 10:57pm
Chuck Gould

Irish Yacht Club Invades France! (A Good & Welfare Item)

The President of France was sitting in his office when his telephone rang.

"Hello, President Sarkozy? This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub and Yacht Club in County Clare, Ireland. I'm ringing to inform you that we are declaring war on you. We will be launching a naval invasion."

"Well, Paddy," replied Sarkozy, "that's very important news indeed. How big is your navy?"

"Would you be meanin' right now?" replied Paddy. "Well, let me see. there is myself, cousin Sean, me next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire darts team from the Harp Pub. That makes eleven of us."

"It's only fair to let you know that I have 100,000 men in uniform, ready to repel your invasion."

"Begora!" excalimed Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back!"

The next day, Paddy called the President of France again. "Mr. President, the invasion is still on! We got some serious armored vessels."

"What type of vessels would those be?" asked Sarkozy.

"We stripped down an old boiler and bolted the plates to the hull of McTavendish's Grand Banks."

"I have to tell you, Paddy, that I have 35 destroyers, 10 battleships, and 3 aircraft carriers standing by to defend France. Furthermore, I have increased the armed forces from 100,000 to 150,000 since we last talked."

"Saints preserve us!" said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back"

The next day Paddy called to assure the President of France the war was still on. "We've added airpower," said Paddy. "We strapped two shotguns to the wings of McCrackin's crop duster, and we've recruited the boys from the Shamrock Bar as well!"

Sarkozy sighed, "Paddy, you need to know that I have 200 fighters, 100 bombers, and since we last spoke I have increased my armed forces to 200,000."

"You don't say!" exclaimed Paddy, "I'll have to talk it over with me mates and ring you back."

On the following day, the phone rang once again. Sarkozy answered the line and heard the now-familar voice of Paddy. "Mr. President," said Paddy, "I am calling to let you know the invasion is off. We considered all the factors and have reconsidered."

The President of France replied, "I can appreciate that. Was it the 200 fighters, 100 bombers, 35 battle ships, or 10 destroyers that convinced you not to invade us?"

"To be sure, Mr President, it was really the 200,000 men. We discussed it over a few pints of Guinness and a packet of crisps, and we decided there's no way on earth we could feed that many prisoners!"